I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
