So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
