Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
