I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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