my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
