He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
