Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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