wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
