franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
