the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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