I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
