Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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