and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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