I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
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