My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
only you would photoshop your dick
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
