If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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