The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
