also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
