We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
