I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
