You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
