My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
