oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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