I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
