Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
