He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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