I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
