I am in a vortex of obligation.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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