My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
