I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
