WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
party gras won. party gras always wins.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You are the jesus of drinking
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
