Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
