My cat gives me a boner
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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