You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize