3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
