Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
