my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
