Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize