help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
