i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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