My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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