yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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