It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
someone owes me an orgasm
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
