He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
