hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
