I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
