Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
