so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
