Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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