is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
