the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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