i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
