Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
