I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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