Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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