It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
