He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
