I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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