shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
