my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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