I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
