so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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