Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
