I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
