Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
