The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
