I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
found the other keg... it's in the tree
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
