i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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