for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
