did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
this is an emotional support booty call
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
