SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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