I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
