Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize