Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
