woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
