If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
