I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
