I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize