my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
