um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize