you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
