South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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