so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize