worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Success! We fucked roommates!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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