I heard we made out
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
