I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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