i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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