I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have aggressive nipples.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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