he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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