I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You ruined the universe
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
