you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
