So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize