She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
