I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
