he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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