In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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