i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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