therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize