He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
