Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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