you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
