your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
