i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
