Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I deserve this hangover.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
