Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize