just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
